If you’re feeling stressed out, worried or anxious, you’re not alone. Stress symptoms are way too common these days, it’s like an epidemic. And as you probably know, stress symptoms have been connected to serious health problems over time, so discovering how to be less stressed is critical to a happier and a healthier life.

One key part of lasting stress relief is sorting out the stress myths from reality. There are a lot of common myths out there about stress and worry. When people believe those common myths, it can lead to failures in stress relief. The myths themselves can leave you more stressed!

One big myth out there is a belief that sounds like this: “I’m really stressed out and I’ve tried some things but there’s nothing I can do about it.”

Not true! But it’s important to know that to successfully “Do something about it,” to feel happier and calmer, it’s helpful to sort out a few things. One powerful method is to make two quick lists, just whatever comes to mind as true in your life right now:

First: What I can control and have choice about, and second: What I do not have control over and have no choice about.

The weather, the bills and a relative’s sickness we may not be able to control or have choice about. But where we put our attention, how we talk to ourselves in our minds (both the words we use and our tone), and what we choose to do first thing in the morning - those are all usually under our control; we have choice there. Sorting those two categories out and reminding ourselves where we DO have choice is one step to help bring our lives back under control.

Another common myth is that everybody’s stress is the same, that everyone feels stressed about the same things. We then believe that because my friend or partner isn’t stressed out about what stresses me out, I should just get over it.

Is it true that everyone’s stress is the same? Do the same challenges, the same problems leave everyone feeling the same stress levels? No! What feels doable and “no problem” to one person may feel super stressful to someone else. We’re very individual in how we experience pressure, or in how many tasks we can comfortably handle at once. But if you don’t know that your stress can be different than someone else’s in the same situation, it can lead to arguments at home or problems at work — leading to even more stress.

Knowing the stress and worry myths can help you know what will work best for you to get more relaxed and feeling under control. Not knowing myths from truth can lead to even more stress and confusion. Get clear about some of the most common myths about stress and worry. Sign up in the box above to receive your free Special Report on Stress and Worry Myths, and get a handle on the stress in your life.

Laura Aswati Maciuika, Ed.D. is a licensed psychologist in California, and has helped hundreds of people get free from stress and worry.